Tigress
by DownWithJack8
Summary: Fiona has a thing for Holly J, but her loyalty and guilt toward her brother stops her from pursuing...at first. What will happen when exciting attraction becomes painful love?
1. Chapter 1

In the blessedly quiet drama department, Fiona concentrated on the fabrics that lay out on the floor where she sat comfortable on a pile of cushions.

_Powder Blue or crimson to go with this lovely cream? _

She alternated holding the fabrics up to the folded burnt-cream colored prairie dress. She was distracted by the sound of heels tapping on the hardwood floor echoing throughout the large room. She turned her head to see Holly J heading toward the other side of the drama room; she knew Declan would be her destination.

A half-smirk formed on her face as she watched the woman pass by, impressed by her powerful, decisive strides. She was very attracted to Holly J. Usually it was older, fabulous, and powerful women that garnered Fiona's desire; her recent crush toward Barbara Walters was proof enough. She fell easily for wit and sarcasm, taking great pleasure in sharing her worldly experience and cynicism with her partner.

Being attracted to Holly J was no surprise. Except for her young age, she fit Fiona's criteria quite perfectly. Though Holly J acted far older than her age; she was responsible, independent, and not naïve. Ever since Fiona had known her, she had shown a maturity that rivaled Fiona's own; even the way she acted around her boyfriend. Fiona had noticed and was both intrigued and impressed. Holly J had power. She had grace and she was fearless.

Unfortunately for Fiona, Holly J was in a relationship with her brother.

_Better him than some slack-off, or any of these pedestrian troglodytes. _She supposed. Though she couldn't help wishing those countless, pesky rumors regarding her brother's sexuality were based in truth. Yet, her brother was not gay; he was only a refined gentleman amongst peasants. Easy mistake for a commoner to make.

_I wonder how deep his infatuation with her runs; perhaps if I told him how I felt…he would feel guilty. _Her brother always felt guilty when she was unhappy. He'd sacrificed his own happiness, popularity, and social life for her on various occasions. She would not have him end this relationship. Not when Holly J was so wonderful…so deserving of a Coyne. This was, after all, surprising being they were in a public school; one with a shady history so she was told. Who would have thought a tigress like Holly J would be sauntering about the humble halls?

Returning her mind to the task at hand, she decided that crimson would be too obvious and cliché for a play about Vampires, and opted for the subtler, yet gorgeous powder blue to make the corset of the costume.

Laughter could be heard from the other side of the room, the feminine boisterous cackle that she knew was a sign of Holly J's amusement at a niner, petty high-school drama, or anything else she felt superior to. Fiona really loved that laugh; as mocking as it was, it was also a genuine and hearty expression of mirth.

Soon after the melodic echoes of her voice faded Holly J was walking toward the exit, she did not stay long for she was disinterested in the goings-on of stage managers, playwrights, and costume designers. Probably off to seize control of organizing a pep rally, or such other function. As she walked wordlessly by, she had not seen Fiona sitting in the corner where the wardrobe was kept, Fiona felt an impulsive desire to be noticed.

"Hello to you too Holly J," Fiona couldn't but tease her crush, and try to get some attention from her.

Holly J turned and confusion showed on her face. She did her trademark disbelieving, exasperated head twitch before saying, "Sorry, I didn't notice you hiding under all those costumes Fiona. No need to be offended." She was being polite, smoothly responding to Fiona's sarcasm with genuine impassiveness.

"I was just teasing. How's Mister High School?" Fiona was pleased to see Holly J's lips quirk at the nickname. It looked as though she would laugh before she controlled herself and her face settled into a bemused smirk.

"Obsessive. You'd think this play was the most important thing he's ever been a part of."

"No,_ I_ wouldn't. I'd think you were the most important thing he has ever been a part of."

At this unexpected remark Holly J looked much more confused than she had when Fiona called her out before. She studied Fiona for a few seconds, possibly looking for any clue that she may be insulting or teasing. When she found nothing but sincerity, she shook her head slightly in her Holly J manner and turned to continue out of the drama room.

Holly J called over her shoulder, her smug tone back in place, "I'm relieved to have your approval Madame."

Fiona was left smiling. Wishing even more strongly that her brother would come out of the closet, or rather, would discover that he was in the closet. She saw an image of her brother getting comically flustered over his musical-an actual memory- and couldn't help but laugh out loud.

_Maybe Declan has the right idea. Maybe liking people is the key to happiness._ But surely she would never admit to her brother that he had gotten it right while she let only her snobbery keep her company.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she remembered that Riley kid. She had gone out with him, to preserve his reputation. She had been a beard. She claimed she did it to avoid being asked out by boys. How, when their very relationship and situation revolved around homosexuality, did she not get called out?

_Because they thought I was a snob. No mystery there. _

It had occurred to her that she could have told Riley that she was in a similar situation. She wasn't ignorant. She knew it was harder for boys and men to be gay; at least in high school anyway; with their stupid, colossal egos and all. But it could have made him feel less alone, perhaps.

_I'm just not that nice or that selfless. I bet Holly J would like that about me._

With that thought her mind drifted into a sensual, longing daydream as happens often to teenagers. The sight of Holly J searching her countenance for signs of trickery flashed in her head. The honest, penetrating gaze sent tingles down to her pelvic area where a see-saw sensation began to throb between her thighs. The memory became a fantasy, Holly J's face was much closer, and they were in what Fiona imagined was Holly J's room. Holly J had her pinned on the bed, and they were kissing slowly and deeply, she could simulate the feel of their tongues touching.

Once again footsteps could be heard approaching the drama room and Fiona pulled herself out of her mind, not wanting to be caught unaware in case anything interesting happened.

_Best to save it for later, anyway._

She smiled and shook her head at her horny and immature behavior. Quite unfitting for a high-class lady to be getting aroused in the middle of a public area, but she could care less at the moment.

Some unknown younger student passed by her, a boy who upon noticing her whipped his head away so fast she could imagine his neck snapping. She could see his face reddening on his right cheek and ear as he walked away. She rolled her eyes, releasing a great sigh. _That_ effectively put a halt to the incessant tingling at least. She rose from the floor, placing the blue and cream garments on the table. Her aching stomach was goading her to seek dinner, and she complied easily. Without a farewell to her brother she headed home ready to spend yet another evening dining alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Fiona was highly amused that morning when she woke up to feel her right hand down her panties and her left cupping her breast beneath the lilac chiffon nightie. She'd actually been dreaming of masturbating. That was how measly her love life was; she had not even been dreaming of a partner, no blurry-faced mistress, no crush. She wished just once her subconscious would allow her the delicious, passionate bliss of a real sex dream. One with an actual partner or two. She considered taking her body's demand and pleasuring herself, but a look at the clock made her pull hands away and drop them unto the bed. At this time her brother would be up and about- she made herself block the image of him walking in on that. Plus, she needed to get ready for school, and falling asleep after a relieving orgasm would not be ideal.

She let out a great huff and used her arms to push herself into a seated position. Groaning at the lack of energy in her legs; she tried to stand.

Once she finally found her legs, she moved right to the immense walk-in closet to retrieve the outfit she had laid out the night before. Grabbing the garments still neatly on their hangers, she walked toward the closest bathroom. Once inside she hung the clothes on the hook and stripped off her nightie and panties. Despite being alone, she was a little embarrassed by the wet, stickiness left on her underwear. She couldn't seem to help but stare at it though. A strange thought occurred to her.

_Isn't it the boys who have trouble getting laid? I never thought I would sympathize with horny teenage boys._

Normally she would have laughed the thought of feeling like some backed-up, desperate boy. But honestly, the whole situation made her feel really lonely. Why couldn't _she_ have someone there for her; ready to meet her desires. To love her.

She entered the shower after the water reached a soothing temperature. She couldn't stop herself from wishing she could feel soft breasts against her back and arms around her waist. She imaged it, the warmth and sensuality of lovers embrace. She imagined Holly J's smirking face on her shoulder, watching her shutter in pleasure. Pressure built just below her stomach. She was not turned on though, she just felt lonelier than ever.

She finished her shower, dressed in her designer jeans and simple top, and headed for the dining room for breakfast. All through the meal, she scowled into her omelet. She suddenly felt really shitty and did not want to go to school and face the inevitable pain that awaited her. She may have not consciously realized, but the twinkle in her brothers eye, and his upbeat mood really bugged her and had soured her mood.

It seemed her whole life she had been jealous of him. He made friends and found lovers easily, no matter where they moved to. He was so involved and sociable. Not to mention the pride of the family because of his unusual kindness and sincerity. He took what he learned from their many travels and used it to better himself and others, Fiona only used it to project her superiority. Fiona was snobby and sarcastic. She was always sitting in the corner, the alcove, the patio; always a pristine picture of loneliness.

For many years she saw herself as the stronger twin. To her, the lack of socializing was a sign of maturity, and how wrong she had been. She had always thought others despised her out of jealousy, but it was her conceited smugness that put them off.

Degrassi was where she wanted to be different; where she _could_ be different.

Looking at her brother sipping his coffee, she remembered the latte stunt form a few days ago. When she found her brother had put Holly J before herself, she was jealous. Jealous of her brother or Holly J she wasn't sure- probably both. The incredulous reaction of the other girl when she licked the lid of the paper mug was comical and completely worth it at the time. Though now, she didn't know whether to revel in it, or regret it. Afterall, what had it said about her character?

Feeling embarrassed, she closed her eyes to force the memory away. Why? Why did she do these things?

She looked up at her brother as he got up from the table. He looked so benign, his stunning eyes shining with bliss and life. He was happy- and she hated him for it.

She got up and headed back up to the bathroom. As she brushed her teeth, she leaned against the sink and stared at the wall thinking about Declan. He one up on her, as always. They both had all the material things they could ever want; they traveled, they were intelligent and eloquent, and they were both impossibly attractive. Yet he had a girlfriend, a really fantastic girlfriend; and Fiona didn't even have one platonic friend to speak of.

Her head throbbed as she contemplated her bitter-sweet relationship with her brother. She hated him for what she didn't have, and yet, he was the one she always turned too, and her only company. He wasn't the typical disgusting, mocking male sibling; in fact, he was supportive and sympathetic. She began to feel guilty, as always, at her negative feeling toward Declan.

_Sweet, charismatic, perfect Declan. How could anyone be angry at you?_

She wondered if her life would always be this way: ruining her chances of getting what she wanted, and hating the good things that just weren't quite _good enough_.

They were in the car headed to school. Her brother was ranting about his literature class and how it was not up to par with his already acquired knowledge. Fiona listened half-heartedly and voiced her opinion where she saw fit, but the majority of her mind was focused on the nervousness she was feeling.

_I don't know if I can face another day alone. Not to mention seeing Holly J kiss and dote upon my brother. _

Sure enough, as soon as the car stopped in front of the school and they got out, Holly J was their to greet her boyfriend. They hugged and kissed without an awkwardness; their relationship was so mature and comfortable. Fiona looked at Holly J's face as she gazed at Declan. Her eyes were deep and sparkling with emotion and the smile on her face was so sweet and genuine. Fiona felt something in her chest pang violently. Her face grimaced unattractively as she hastily choked what felt like a shrill whine. Luckily no one had seen the obvious reaction. She was surprised; well, more like stunned. She had almost screamed like a lunatic. She had almost screamed at Holly J to stop.

_Stop hurting me._ She made a hasty retreat from the couple to hide her burning eyes. She clenched the tiny, delicate hand not holding her books into a tight fist. She felt like punching one of the ugly blue lockers she passing, or one of the gawking trollish boys; she felt screaming again. Moved by the pounding echo in her head and the breathless feeling in her chest, she made a choice.

_For once, I'm not going to let my pride or guilt get in the way. He's gotten what he wants enough, he can take _one_ loss. I need her more! For once, _I'm_ going to win. _


	3. Chapter 3

Fiona stood frozen in front of her locker, one arm reaching in to rest a hand on her neatly arranged books. Around her rambunctious teenagers guffawed and shouted, delighted that school was over for the day. Their uproar was nothing more than a distant buzzing in the background of her mind. She was imagining her confrontation with Holly J.

_I don't have a chance. But I also have no choice- I must confront her. If nothing else I'll get closure. _She sighed audibly. _Or I could keep trying until she gets a restraining order._

She took a deep breath as if she could inhale further strength and courage from the air. She closed her locker and headed to the meeting hall, feeling both determined and apprehensive.

Concentrating on the schedule and freshly printed flyers on the desk, Holly J did not notice Fiona hesitating by the doorway. She did, however, know _someone_ was there- she had heard the footsteps on the glossy linoleum, the floors in the hallways made it impossible for anyway to sneak about undetected.

Holly J turned around, her eyebrow raised in questioning and her mouth opened slightly, ready to condescend whoever was struggling to work up the guts to approach her. When she saw Fiona standing there, her expression changed into neutral friendliness, her delicate brow relaxing and her soft lips lifting into a mostly imperceptible smile. Fiona did not feel any better for the other girl's ease, it made her feel more self-conscious about beginning an awkward conversation.

"Hey Holly J," her voice came out breathy and melodic and she was embarrassed that she sounded a bit timid and sexual, but her nervousness had weakened her prideful demeanor considerably.

"Hi, Fiona. Is there something you needed hon?" Fiona's heart gave a sharp pulse at the pet name. Her mouth and throat seemed to be getting smaller, and she hoped when she spoke next she would not stumble over her words. If she could even bring herself to say anything- she was forcing herself to find some courage to say what she needed to say. But the words caught in her throat, and she could not bring herself to open her mouth.

Her hesitation must have been obvious because Holly J looked cautious. "Is everything okay?"

Fiona closed her eyes tightly, taking a few steps forward. Once she was within arms-reach of Holly J, she put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Holly J, please…I need to tell you something, important." After a few seconds of looking at Holly J's confused eyes, she moved her face toward Holly J's and connected their lips. Before she could move the rest of her body to complete the embrace, Holly J forcefully backed away.

"Fiona, are you kidding me? I thought someone of _your_ _class_ would be dignified enough to not get into the bisexual craze." Holly J seemed more shocked than angry, but she was also all to clearly disgusted. "What are you doing?"

"It's obvious what I'm doing"

"I _mean_ why are doing it with me? If you want to go experiment with your sexuality and be a _naughty_, go find some other girl to play with"

"I'm not just a bi-curious girl looking for an experiment! Like you said, why would I chooses you if I were? I'm a lesbian. I've known forever. I just really want you to understand."

"Fine, I understand you're a legit lesbian, congratulations. But in case it slipped your mind, I'm with you brother. Your _brother_, Fiona! Clearly I'm straight."

"You have no idea, Holly J." Fiona's whole face burned and her eyes stung; she felt deaf and numb, like the world she belonged to had faded away, leaving the two girls in some horrible vertigo dreamland. "I think about you so much. When I do, the feelings are so strong they actually tire me out. You make me feel so many things, negative _and_ positive. You make me feel jealous and angry and sad! But I also feel so happy when you smile at me, so alive when I see your anger and passion." Fiona was using all her strength not to become hysterical, she didn't want to embarrass herself further; but the incredulous look on Holly J's face was making her nervous. "Have you ever thought about it? Please, try and think about it, okay?"

"Think about…?"

"Being with a girl Holly J!"

Holly J turned her head so she could see down the hallway; she turned back to Fiona. "Will you stop being so loud? And no, I will not _think_ about it. Aren't you people always saying how it's not about choice? I'll do you a favor, okay, I'll just forget this ever happened, how's that sound?" With that she walked around Fiona and left the auditorium.

Fiona's wounded pride won out over her hurt feelings, and she lashed out in anger. "What else would I expect from such a cold, heartless monster!" Holly J paused by the door, turning just her head and shoulder to look back. Fiona lowered her voice to an intimidating growl, "Don't you dare say _anything_ to my brother about this."

"Didn't I say I'd forget it." With that Holly J power walked her way away from the auditorium. Fiona was left standing there feeling like a vacuum had opened up inside her mind; her vision appeared tunneled and the silence in the empty room was far too overbearing. She was hurting everywhere, as if every part of her body had taken Holly J's side against her, from her burning forehead to her throbbing ankles. But she paid no mind to anything but the stinging in her eyes and the slow migration of pain as her heart hardened.

The most coherent thought in Fiona's head as she headed for the office was, _why does he always win?_

She could not know the effect her words had had on Holly J. The words, 'heartless bitch' had been used many times to describe her. But 'monster'? She'd seen the word behind many nervous eyes, even in her friends eyes, but no one had ever said it aloud. Fiona had struck a chord, and Holly J didn't let _anyone_ get away with that.


	4. Chapter 4

Fiona inspected her swelled, red-rimmed eyes; she hadn't been crying, but she had been holding tears back.. The pride and satisfaction she normally felt at seeing her beautiful face was gone. Her eyes were wide and abnormally bright. She was on the verge of tears, as usual; and, as usual, she was trying to subdue her emotions.

When her lower lip and jaw began to spasm, she turned on the water to splash on her face.

It seems this always happened to her; she would let her pride get the best of her and lead her to unashamedly pursue her desires, and she end would up nursing her wounds alone in secret. Her pride caused her to be a loner, it drove her to be selfish and self-centered; mostly it is why she would often be so cruel. But, the cruel things she did, she seldom regretted.

She regretted calling Holly J a monster and cold-hearted.

_After all, it isn't true. Is it? Isn't that what attracted me in the first place. I guess I only appreciate it when it's not directed at me…typical._

She thought about all that she had observed of Holly J. Nothing in particular would indicate a warm or big heart. The closest thins was her doey-eyed expression while looking at Declan, but that was really only admiration. It couldn't be love; or more like, she wouldn't be able to stand it if it were love.

Distantly she heard the phone ringing. Stepping out of the bathroom she picked up the phone on the table near the stairs.

"Coyne residence, Fiona speaking."

"Hey Fi" Declan's voice came through the receiver. He sounded strange; like he was cautious, or worried. Fiona felt a lump in her throat. _Does he know?_

"Declan, hi. Why are you calling home?"

"Well you disappeared from school, then Mrs. Crass told me you went home sick. Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, don't worry. I lied really; I was just feeling really tired and wanted to go home." She tried to say it non-chalantly, but she heard the weariness in her voice and knew he must have detected it as well.

"Tired. You going because you're _tired_ scares me more than you being sick."

"Don't be worried, it's only one day, right? You can't expect me to be one-hundred percent better so soon, I just need a little more time."

"I know, just, try not to be so secretive." _Ha! If 8only he knew what he was saying_. "You don't have to go through it all alone you know, I'm here for you." _Not this time, Declan. This time you're there for _her.

"Yes, I know; and thank-you for checking on me, you're a good brother; but I'm going to take a nap. Or, I might go out for coffee instead." She decided to try and help her brother worry less.

"Yea, try to get out please, it'll be good for you. I love you Fiona, and I want you to be okay, that's the most important thing to me- that you're okay."

"I am. I love you too, bye."

She didn't really know what to do. The quiet of the house was like a ringing in her ears. She felt a strong uncomfortable sensation in her stomach- her conflicting feelings toward Declan that arose with his unintentional guilt trip. Maybe a nap _would_ be for the best.

So getting to her room, she spread out the expensive curtains covering her windows to block out any light. Thankfully the exquisite fabric was thick enough to leave the room very dark. Yet she knew it would be unlikely that she would fall asleep, what with so much on her mind, and because she wasn't really so much tired as listless.

And predictably, sleep escaped her, and laying in bed only brought back the painful feeling in her stomach and head, plus the threat of tears if she let her mind wonder even for a second to the memory of her earlier encounter with Holly J.

_I suppose I could finish my novel, but this migraine will make it hell and it won't take my mind off anything. Maybe I should get some coffee, Declan was right, being in the presence of other people may be the distraction I need._

She wondered for a bit if she should go to the dot, but decided against it and instead settled on a somewhat pretentious little Café close to the rented manse. So she called up the driver and re-dressed.

While she sipped her Almond Milk latte she wrestled with her mind, which was trying to replay the confrontation with Holly J. Scenes of her hysteria would pip up and she would cringe from the embarrassment. She wished she had handled things better. Perhaps a calm discussion over coffee would have been more productive, or significantly less mortifying.

Instead, she had to try and appeal to Holly J's compassionate side; and realized too late that Holly J had no such side. Ironically enough, that only made Fiona want her more. She often wondered if she were a masochist. It wouldn't surprise her, after all that last month alone she'd made a fool of herself at the musical auditions, fell in love with a straight, untouchable girl, and _then _confronted said girl.

If she weren't in public she would have thrown the porcelain cup against the wall.

Could she just get over her infatuation with Holly J already? Perhaps she could find another girl. But most public school girls were really on the bottom of her desperation list. And, as long as she still had one last option, she would not sink to desperation.

There was a problem though; the option she had left was to confront Declan directly. This was a very complicated situation. She wasn't wholly sure Declan knew she was a lesbian. She _suspected_ he knew, and had known for a long time. She had never officially come out, but they were so close, it would be a bigger shock to found out that he didn't know.

Beyond that, would it really be right for her to involve him in this? She was without doubt or denial callous to most people, but family was important to her, especially her brother. More so, she had been going on and on about how she hated public school and was appalled at the very idea of having to attend since the day they started at Degrassi. Declan, on the other hand, was excited about the opportunity. Here, amongst the "commoners" he could show his true potential, for as perfect as he had always been, it was hard even for him to excel and gain respect from the snobby peers of their past.

But then again, there was the conversation they had had about her getting involved with school and to stop appearing to be a loner. It was a discussion they'd had many times before. So maybe he would understand and _want _to help. He, likewise, put family first. And the conversation on the phone….Had he not said his want for her health and happiness was the most important thing?

She lifted her drink to her lips, nodding her head as she sipped the cooling beverage. Picturing Declan's reaction and thinking only one thing…

_She had better be worth all of this._


	5. Chapter 5

Just outside the living room, Fiona tapped her fingers on the door frame. She listened to the clank of her brother's glass on the table. With a sigh she entered and sat on the on the other side of the couch, grateful that she wasn't facing him directly.

She lifted her hand to her mouth and pinched her lower lip. "Declan, we need to talk" The words rushed and her voice was weak from nervousness.

Predictably, he immediately looked concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Will you just stop waiting for me to fall apart, please? You're making this much more difficult. Cause actually, right now, I'm not so okay."

"You're not doing anything to make me less concerned, you know?" She impatiently nodded her head to appease him.

"I've been having a hard time recently." Out of the corner of her eye she says her brother's mouth twist. "Don't you dare make a joke? I've been feeling so lonely, and I've… cried myself to sleep more than a few times in the last couple of weeks."

"What's making you feel this way, Sylvia?" He teased.

She knew she often became downtrodden out of blue; and since she had become very depressed and gave her family a big scare, her family has believed her to be mentally unstable. So of course her brother would assume she was letting her depression make her over-dramatic again, and that this wasn't anything serious. "Will you take this seriously, please? I'm trying to tell you something that won't be very easy to hear."

The bemusement fell from his face; he looked wary. "I am taking it seriously, that was in bad taste I'm sorry. Now tell me."

"Look…you're not going to like this. It may even start a huge fight, but I just can't stand this anymore. Declan, how serious are you about Holly J?"

His eyes widened and he moved closer to his sister. "Did she tell you she's going to break up with me?"

"No, No. I just need to know."

"Okay. Well, you know I really like her. She's doesn't fawn over me, and she's independent. It's as serious as a high school relationship can get, I guess." His smile was back but Fiona could see he was still apprehensive.

She paused so she was sure he would hear her, "I want you to break it off with her." She stared down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. There was short pause before her brother scoffed and chuckled.

"Excuse me?"

She made sure to keep her tone resolutely serious because she could not raise her eyes to him. "Break up with Holly J."

"Is this because you don't like her-" She cut him off with a scoff of her own. "What's funny?"

"'Is it because I don't like her?' No Declan, no. It's because _I love her._ I can't stand to see you two together because I love her_."_

"Why do I have to break up with her just because you can't stand her? It's not like you have to be around her ever." She could tell he was really lost.

She put her elbow on the arm rest and her head fell into her hand. _This conversation is physically painful._ "I wasn't being sarcastic." She waited for him to get the message.

"You love her? You must be kidding me. Have you ever even spoken to her?" She felt her face heat up more and hoped it couldn't show too red beneath her make-up. _Unfortunately._ "This _is_ a joke; a very weird joke that I don't get."

"I don't think I have to tell _you_ the reasons why someone could fall for Holly J Sinclair." Finally, she looked at him, and was disheartened by what she saw.

"I don't believe you." _Great now he thinks I'm insane. He's just been waiting for this to happen I know it._ It was true; he was looking at her concernedly, obviously thinking she had lost her mind.

"Declan, I know this is weird, believe me, I do. I'm not crazy-_this is_ crazy- but I'm not. I really have feelings for her and I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't go out with her anymore."

"Even if I did break up with her, she'd still be straight, so why should I miss out for nothing?"

"Look, if she was with some other stupid typical teenage boy, I may have had a chance to make her like me. Show her she's too good for him- which she would be. But she's with you. You're mister perfect, you're involved in school stuff, you're smart, interesting, and of course good-looking. When she's with you, I have _no_ chance."

"Who am I going to be with then? Some swooning girl who'll be with me just to prove her own worthiness to herself? No way."

"Well, you have more options than I do Declan. All the girls who are half way decent hate me. Of course, the way I've acted at that school, I kind of deserve it." He began to deny this, but she spoke over his objection, "besides, I love her, and you don't"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What makes you so sure I don't?"

"Because I know you. I've seen you in love before. You're not there yet with her. So please, break it off before I _do_ have to see you two in love. Please, Declan."

He sat back and looked away from her. She waited with more doubt than hope that he would do it.

After some thinking, he shrugged. "Fine."

_What? _"…No."

"Yes, okay? I'll break it off with her. But I hope you understand what you're getting me into. Rising to the top of _her_ bad list is not exactly ideal." He was only half-joking, of course.

"Yes, she is a tiger," But she said this fondly, not frightfully, "and she will get me for this. Thanks."

"Don't ever say I didn't do anything for you." He threw an arm around her shoulders and hugged her.

"I would never say that. Even if you refused this, I wouldn't say that. You give up so much for me; I really appreciate you and all you do for me."

"I guess having you for a sister is worth more than a relationship with Holly J." He paused and gave her shoulders another squeeze. "I hope you can be happy," he whispered.

_Me too._


	6. Chapter 6

"I can't believe you did this."

Fiona looked up from her book to see a bright-eyed Holly J glaring down at her. _So he did it then. I guess this will be interesting._

She decided she would pretend to be disturbed and annoyed by the interruption. "Care to let me in on why you're angry, and apparently blaming me for something." She chirped ignorantly.

Holly J stepped closer, "don't bother acting like you don't know because I'm not playing around right now."

Fiona sighed and stuck a piece of discarded paper into her book, she saw her hands shaking and felt heat rise to her face at the sight of it. "Why don't we go somewhere where we can't be overheard, please?" She walked to Holly J, expecting her to start moving, but she only stood her ground and looked Fiona hard in the eyes. Fiona's face became hotter than she thought possible. The look in Holly J's eyes and the stubborn setting of her jaw made her ache and feel wet.

After a few seconds of staring, she turned on her heel and briskly walked out of the library, Fiona had to almost run to keep up. She followed her all the way outside and crossed the street where Holly J stood in front of a picnic table away from any other students. Fiona wondered if she was supposed to sit while Holly J stood above and scolded her. As silly as she thought it was, she felt very apprehensive as she seated herself on the opposite side.

Holly J did in fact remain standing with her arms folded above her. Fiona only thought she looked ridiculous and arrogant; when she was being fierce through patronization and frustration, it was attractive. But when she _tried _to seem authoritative when she was really upset, it just seemed fake. "What did you tell him to get him to break up with me? Did you tell him the truth? I think I recall you 'ordering' me to not say anything to him."

Fiona smiled smugly. "I did say that. I didn't want _you _to tell him- I didn't want _me_ to tell him. Things change." She was going to play this cool. Holly J was obviously flustered and Fiona felt she had the power in this situation.

Holly J did not smile; but now she looked less angry and more confused. "I think you're both crazy."

"Why?" She knew exactly why Holly J thought so.

"First _you_ corner me in the auditorium and confess your _love_ for me, and then you go to my boyfriend and beg him to break up with me. And the kicker- he _agreed_. There's nothing normal about any of this."

_Then why are you talking to me right now? _"So, at least you'll never be bored with me."

"I'm not going to _be_ with you ever. You really thought that _this_ would convince me that I should be with you? That is insane- as I've said. Was there more to your plan? Are you going to show up in my room in the middle of the night, kidnap me, and then tie me up your basement?"

She thought this would be a perfect opportunity to lighten the mood and employ her charm. "I don't have a basement. But I'd be more than happy to tie you up in a more elegant place."

But she knew she probably had jumped the gun when Holly J looked genuinely disgusted. "You're sick." And she got up to leave.

"Okay, okay; that was inappropriate. Please don't leave now."

But she didn't stop; she didn't even hesitate or look back. So Fiona sat there marveling at the mess she had made. Who knows what rumors may spread about her? She might even spread rumors about her brother- well actually she probably _will._

But still, she couldn't help but feel amused about Holly J's reaction. She didn't really understand why she was apparently the only one who wasn't intimidated or annoyed by Holly J. She thought it was so arousing when Holly J yelled at anyone else and they cowered in fear. But when the smarminess and the condescension was turned on her, she was merely amused.

Holly J, with her bow-adorned strawberry-blond hair and adorable freckled face, shouldn't have been able to scare anyone. It should not be possible for venom to drip out of those soft pink lips or for those always-bright green eyes to hold anything but sweet feelings. Yet Holly was still fierce and tough as nails. _A true enigma, that one. _Fiona had seen a picture, through Declan, of Heather Sinclair. Now _that _was a face she could see frightening children and convicts alike.

She thought the best thing to do was trust that Holly J would protect her own reputation by keeping quiet about what Fiona had done and said.

And, who knows? Maybe Holly J would even come around after she cooled off a bit. She certainly didn't _seem _too broken up about losing Declan. She was only extremely angry.

_And obviously that anger was more about her being conspired against; not her loss of a boyfriend._

So, Fiona decided that the anger had been the best reaction she could have hoped for. If Holly J had been weepy and devastated, she would have known that the girl was far too emotionally attached to her brother for her to have even the slightest chance of winning her over.

But the anger was promising. If her anger for Fiona was stronger than her pain over the break-up, then Fiona was obviously the more important one.

Fiona looked at the door through which Holly J had disappeared with a smile on her face. Mostly, she was happy that the cool, calculating Holly J had given herself away by confronting her and showing her interest in Fiona's motive and involvement. She had unknowingly given Fiona more incentive to continue her pursuit. And, the greatest part, there was a chance Holly J would realize what she had done and be on edge; thinking about and looking out for Fiona all the time.

So, she would give it time. Let Holly J obsess over her for a while. If she pestered her now, she would lose the upper hand. But if she kept Holly J on her toes, it would be only a matter of time before Holly J came to confront _her._

And sure, she felt like a lunatic for plotting this… 'Psychological warfare', but she was so glad to have something to live for; something to really _want _to live for.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, I'm not asking you o come home with me, I'm asking to sit at your table. Are you so much of a snob that you can't even sit with a boy like me for ten minutes?"

Fiona's temples throbbed and she wondered if the pulsating could be seen as clearly as she felt it. "Listen, I am not interested. All I want is for you to leave me alone." Finally the boy walked back to his table, where his friends were laughing at his rejection. Fiona took no pleasure or pride out of hearing the boy being ridiculed. They of course assumed she was trying to humiliate him or reject him hurtfully, which of course she wasn't.

_Yes, of course I said no because I'm a snob. It's not like I'd rather have coffee with a girl or quietly by myself. _

"He was pretty cute; I'm surprised you didn't want to talk to him. Do you have a boyfriend or something?" Fiona turned to toward the sound of a woman's voice; though, it turned out to be a girl her age who had spoken. She was a tall girl, thick, but not from fat. Her short ash brown hair was pinned or gelled fancily on top of her head. There were a few yellow and blue streaks running through the curls which matched her eye shadow colors. The rest of her face was bare of any make-up and her loose-fitting clothes looked well-worn. Fiona recognized the look from many of the fashion spreads she owned from this year; she was a big fan of it, but unfortunately she couldn't seem to pull it off herself.

"No I don't have a boyfriend, actually. As I said, I just wasn't interested." The girl's responding smile was satisfied and greedy. It didn't take Fiona long to realize what this girl's game was. She smirked. "I'm Fiona."

"Pretty name; mine is Georgia." Georgia sat across from Fiona at the table. Fiona looked more closely at the girl's face; it was thin and plain, in a good way. Her eyes were either dark gray or dark bluish, Fiona couldn't tell. Her hair and make-up was very _Avante Garde_, a style Fiona was thinking she'd like to adopt.

"So, now you know about my relationship status. What about you?" She hoped Georgia could tell that she was baiting her; she wasn't a big fan of lengthy flirtation.

Apparently Georgia was also not one for games, "I've been single for far too long, and I'm in the market for a hot girl." She winked afterward and both girls had to laugh at their thinly veiled flirting. "So…_would_ you like to get together later?"

"We're together now," Georgia cocked her eyebrow. "But, seriously, yes I would like to."

"Good we can have dinner at Moira's. Do you know that place?"

"I've passed it."

"Well I'm well acquainted and it's really great, lesbian-friendly if you know what I mean." Fiona looked confused. "Means it's a gay hang-out filled with Lesbos and no guys are going to be gawking at us like idiots or asking for three-ways."

"Oh, heavenly" Fiona said with complete sincerity.

"Tell me about it." The girl at the pick-up counter called out an order, "Oh, that's me; I'll see you at seven then, good?"

"Sure, great, I'll see you."

Georgia picked up her drink then left the coffee shop. Fiona felt ecstatic. The way Georgia looked at her made her feel excited and alive. Georgia looked at her like she was a piece of meat, but also like she was a beautiful work of art; and Fiona found it very thrilling. She was already imagining Georgia laying with her in bed and being held in her arms. It was a nice image that made her anxious to get out of her loneliness. Though it didn't affect her heart rate the way thinking about holding Holly J did.

But, she supposed it was beside the point anyway. Just because she loves Holly J doesn't mean she can't still have casual sex and flings. She only hoped Georgia wasn't expecting too much from her. But, if the girl's easy-going attitude and lust-filled eyes were anything to go by, she thought Georgia wasn't looking for much more than a fling anyway.

In any event, she was really grateful to have another good thing happen to her. Today had been going pretty well as it was, watching Holly J storm past her and hearing the tell-tale sound of a locker slamming unnecessarily hard as she walked down the hall. She thought it would be fun to see Holly J all _affected_ by the mere presence of her; and it was fun, and promising.

On top of all that, on Friday Declan would be going on a second date with a very nice girl named Vanessa. So she no longer had to feel guilty about him. And maybe seeing how he had moved on so quickly would make him seem less special and alluring to Holly J; which was perfect for Fiona.

um, Hi

I just want to say, that the belief that all boys and men are stupid or insensitive, or asinine is merely a part of Fiona's personal attitude toward all people below her class. The guy in the beginning was a plot device used to attract another girl to Fiona and I do not think all males are insufferable like that. I may be a lesbian, but I don't hate men as the stereotype suggests (more like insists). I say this because my bisexual friend likes to read male/male HP stories. A lot of these stories include, shall-we-say, overly-interested girls who "turn the boys off to girls" or in other words, "turn them gay" and I _know_ that common belief in society is that lesbians like women only because of bad experiences with men…not usually the case. I wonder if anyone else finds it odd and annoying that many gay/lesbian people/characters are seen as "blank who _don't like_ blank" instead of "blank who _like_ blank." You know what I mean?


	8. Chapter 8

a/n: It's been a long time, I know. But I just moved, and unfortunately the move coincided with an episode of depression- so I've been busy _and _lazy and tired. Anyway, to make up for it here is an extra long chapter, with sex! Also, don't worry about the oc, her role is important but BRIEF. I needed her to be Fiona's replacement for Declan once he moves to New York.

Fiona walked into the restaurant Georgia specified. The dining area was blocked by a wall, and all she could see was the bar that served, also, as a waiting area. She cringed out of custom when the two boys sitting at the bar leaned in for a kiss, unaware of the approaching bartender. However, to Fiona's relief, the man just replaced their sodas without so much as a tiny reaction or indication that he thought anything at all about the display. Fiona remembered now how Georgia had said this place was _'gay friendly_'; she shouldn't have been so nervous.

But she was very excited about being here. For the first time in, well, her entire lifetime she felt as if she was somewhere where she didn't have to pretend or project a certain image. It felt so good.

A dark-skinned women who had odd mahogany highlights in her brown hair approached Fiona; her name tag read 'Willow'. She smiled when their eyes met and around her eyes where very deep and far-reaching wrinkles, which was not surprising since obviously the woman liked either tanning or spending a lot of time in the sun.

Her voice however, was pleasantly clear and youthful, "Would you like me to show you a table now, or are you waiting for someone?"

"Oh, I'm waiting for someone, thank-you." As she spoke, the door to the restaurant opened with a soft 'bing".

"I'm here." Georgia's voice called form the open door. She rushed to Fiona's side slightly out of breath. Seeing Fiona raise an eyebrow, she explained, "I'm a little late, but we can't all be chauffeured around."

Georgia removed her winter coat, and underneath she wore a knee-length light green and yellow dress which was either vintage or bought from one of those wacky eclectic stores. Fiona thought the dress itself was strange, but she was excited that Georgia had changed from her baggy pants and shirt from early to wear a dress instead, as her breasts hung braless and natural underneath the green fabric and her wide hips were distractingly distinguishable from her waist.

She had a body like one would see in those old-world painting-so natural, not at all pre-pubescent and skinny-looking as was the modern trend. Fiona couldn't tear her eyes away from those hips. When she did look away she realized that both women were looking at her bemusedly, she smiled an shrugged a shoulder.

They followed Willow into the restaurant; they passed a large family-sized table where a gay boy was blushing as his many female friends teased him over something or other. A studious-looking blond girl whispered something in his ear and he slapped a menu to his face to hide a very deep blush, the girls guffawed loudly and a few wiped tears from their eyes.

Fiona grimaced at the loud display, she like to have quiet meals with intelligent conversation; she was not going to get that if these kids continued to be so loud.

Georgia saw her frown and made sure to catch Fiona's eye before she rolled her eyes , showing Fiona she also found their behavior ridiculous.

But, aside from the boisterous group, the restaurant was quite pleasant, with its low lighting and dark color scheme, it was very relaxing elegant. Willow thankfully seated them in a booth far from the cackling teenagers. She took their drink orders and went back to the front.

"You were right about this being a gay hang-out- I don't see any apparent straight couples here." Fiona said as she looked around at their fellow patrons. "What are they banned or something?" She joked.

"Of course not, straight people are more than welcome here. It's just over the years a lot of people, well a lot of _boys_ to be honest, have been kicked out for 'harmlessly' harassing queer couples. So, the place seems to have garnered an anti-straight reputation because of it. Of course it's far from the truth, but you know how people are- if a 'minority' excludes someone from the majority it must be out of spite, not because they actually _did anything wrong._" She finished snidely.

Fiona laughed, "you must have a lot of experience with that type of thing. You seem awfully passionate about it."

"Extremely frustrated is more like it. I'm only eighteen but I've already seen a lot of bad things happen to people as a result of the stupidity of others. But, let's not kill the night before it begins, right? Less talk about nicer things. How was your day?"

"Pretty boring actually. I spent most of the day shopping, then I had a message."

"Productive."

Their waiter came by with their drinks. Fiona waited until he left to respond. "Oh, shut up. Did _you_ do anything spectacular today?"

"No, nothing _spectacular_; but I spent the morning working, then I worked with my singing instructor-" Fiona grimaced as she remembered her own disastrous singing audition, "wrote a little poetry, went to watch my friends play roller derby, and finally just read until it was time to meet you."

"Well, I guess you have me there. In comparison my life seems kind of empty." She looked down at the table self-consciously.

Georgia bit her lip, "so much for nicer conversations."

"Sorry."

"Are you okay?"

'I don't know sometimes."

"You're not very happy are you?"

"You have no idea. The past, like, decade I've been sort of…sporadic. I've messed up a lot and I've never felt satisfied. Honestly I've been lonely a lot, it's worse now that my brother and I are in a weird place."

"It sounds like you've had it pretty tough. I'm sorry you've been lonely, but we've all been there, you know?- man I've been there. What's up you and your brother?"

"Oh…I don't know if I should really say anything. It's kind of one of those things that sound crazy when you say it out loud."

Nelson came back for their dinner orders. Georgia ordered a tofu meal as she was a vegetarian, and Fiona also ordered a meatless meal to be polite.

"Peanut butter and Jam sounds crazy when you talk about it, yet it has become pretty common." she flashed Fiona a charming smile.

"Weirdo." _I guess it's not really all that personal, just a funny story really, no harm can come from telling it. _"Okay, so my brother had an amazing girlfriend. She was pretty, had a gorgeous body, and the best part: her personality. She's intelligent, mature, hard-working, sensible, and fierce- like a tigress."

"Uh-oh. I see where this is going."

"Yes, I've obviously fallen for her. I asked him to break up with her."

"Wow."

"Yea, and he agreed."

"He _did_? Why?"

"Well, you know how before I said my behavior is very sporadic? Well, I guess that's a nice way to say crazy- my family has been really worried about me. I'm sort of notorious for…let's say, bringing attention to myself when I get frustrated or upset. I think he was afraid of what I would do if he didn't agree to it."

"Intense. So, it wasn't so much him being nice as it was him being scared?"

"I think that was the main motivation, but we are very close, and he does so much for me. As crazy as I've been, he still treats me with respect. _That's_ love."

"That's sweet. My little sister and I do nothing but bicker. She's really stupid though, always watching 'reality' shows, falling _in love_ with boy after boy, and she cares about shoes more than she does her health. How could I get along with someone like that."

"Hey, I care a lot about shoes too! But I guess you have a point, and those other things are extremely annoying. My brother and I are actually pretty similar. You know we've traveled together, to Paris, London, Dusseldorf, Barcelona. We've lived sophisticated, but isolated lives."

"Shame you guys aren't getting along so well right now. But, hey, you've got a new friend in me, right?"

"Right, I'm lucky you…hit on me." Both girls laughed, and Fiona noticed Georgia was giving an adoring look. "Well, anyway, doesn't it bother you that I like this other girl?"

"No. I like someone else too, actually. I just saw you and thought, 'wow, I _have _totalk that girl'. You looked so gorgeous, you look amazing now too." Georgia said looking at the part of Fiona's torso that showed above the table. Fiona felt her face heat up a bit, she marveled that getting compliments from girls made her flush, unlike the daily compliments and come-ons she received from her male peers.

Fiona thought she should return the compliment. "You look really sexy in that dress. I had no idea this body was underneath those baggy clothes."

The waiter came by with their food. He had a amused look on his face, and Fiona imagined he must have noticed their blushing and averted gazes. He probably saw a lot of awkward teenagers on dates working in a restaurant.

As he walked away, there was awkward silence between the girls. Fiona started picking at the too-hot food to avoid looking too obviously awkward.

After a bit Georgia spoke, "Thank-you, by they way- for the compliment. My friends always say how hot I would look in 'regular' clothes, but I feel overdone when I get all girly."

Fiona thought about the well-worn flat heel boots that currently covered Georgia's feet and had to stifle a giggle. Those _are her idea of girly?_

There was great conversation during the meal; Georgia asked her about the places she had visited; Fiona asked about Georgia's school, she majored in music at a nearby university. Fiona then asked about Georgia's music, turns out she was a singer _and _a pianist. By the end of the meal, they had found they had similar senses of humor, which was laughing over how they couldn't understand straight women, and how desperate teenage boys were to seem cool, among other things.

As the night came to it's end, Fiona wondered what would happen next. She knew that she wanted to go home with Georgia, but had no idea if the other girl was thinking the same. But, having spent the last year living a sexless existence, she would take the chance of embarrassing herself by suggesting they spend the night together.

"I guess I should call my driver. Unless, you wanted to do something else.."

'Well, how would you like to come listen to some of my music; I've got two demos, and a lot more in progress. We have to walk though, I'm an environmentalist, is that okay?"

"Yes, _I_ can walk places too."

"Just making sure."

On their way, Fiona told Georgia about her audition and that her brother made a pianist try and play behind her terrible singing. Georgia reminisced about her own embarrassing moments before she began lessons, and her humiliation when she first had to sing in front of her instructor.

"You're brother has a strange idea about what's best for your social life."

_There's something we have in common. _"Well, like I said before,, He's afraid I'll 'freak out' again."

"What exactly did you do to make your family so afraid?"

"I don't think I'm ready to tell you yet. It's hard to explain, and to talk about."

"That's fine." There was another awkward pause in their conversation, before Georgia seemed to have a sudden idea. "You know, maybe I can refer you to my instructor if you would really like to learn."

"I don't know, I was just trying to find a place where I could be part of something. But, I do think I have to get some sort of hobby- that might be what my problem is." she laughed when she said it, but honestly she still felt insecure about her life. All the shopping and dining seemed so empty at the end of the day; she loved the feeling of accomplishment she felt after a long day of making costumes for the play.

"Here we are." They were in front of a small little white house, surrounded by many other little houses.

"You live with your parents?"

"No, I rent this house myself. My parents live in a much bigger place a few miles away."

Inside, Georgia put on some coffee and took Fiona to her bedroom. She played her music, which reminded her of Tori Amos, and was very smart; though Fiona still preferred electronic and pop music.

Fiona raised her eyebrow when Georgia poured some rum into her coffee. "A gift from my mother. She figured if she introduced me to the finer uses of alcohol early, I wouldn't drink cheap beer at wild parties- it worked. Though, of course, I never wanted to go to any of those parties anyway."

"I know what you mean."

The girls started sitting closer, laughing louder, and touching each other more often than not. Their relationship was easing from comfortable to intimate until Georgia pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

She pulled away from the kiss and stood up. Smiling, she pulled the dress over her head, revealing her bare breasts and some less-than exciting blue boyish briefs. Her large, full breasts, however, with their dark nipples were more than enough to make up for the manly underwear. They bounced as she approached, virtually hypnotizing Fiona. The warmth of a hand on her chest brought her back to the moment. She herself stood up and looked down at her white-collared shirt, black vest and short grey skirt. It was a lot of clothing to remove- many buttons; so she decided to have a little fun with it.

She jutted out one hip, lifting up one hand to fist in her think, curled hair. She unbuttoned the vest, and threw it to the side. Both girls laughed, but were no less aroused by the silliness of it. She unzipped her skirt in the back and 'sexily' shimmied out. She walked over to let her lover unbutton and remove her shirt. Underneath was a white and pink lacy bra that matched her tiny panties.

Georgia laid her down over her lap, and for a second Fiona thought she was going to be spanked- but instead Georgia undid her bra with her teeth quickly enough to show off her experience. She helped Fiona up to straddle her waist. Once again engaging her in a passionate kiss whilst she fondled he newly-freed breasts. Fiona also reached up to squeeze the other girl's large boobs.

Georgia pulled away and asked, "Do you like to use a strap-on?" Fiona thought about it. She usually liked to be fisted, but it had been so long, and it might be a another long dry-spell afterward. So, she thought she'd let Georgia go all out.

She said yes and removed the last of her clothing as she laid down on the bed. Georgia grabbed the strap-on from the bureau as well as a packaged dildo. As she worked to get everything into place, Fiona played with her nipples in anticipation. Finally she felt a tongue run along her genitals. It didn't take much licking and biting for Fiona's vagina to become sufficiently lubricated.

Georgia laid down and let Fiona crawl over her until she was positioned, then she eased herself down around the dildo. She rocked herself on it, giving Georgia an eyeful of her jumping breast. Georgia reached up to grab her thrusting hips as Fiona reached up to grab and pull at her mussed hair.

Fiona's movements slowed as her thighs began to tire; so Georgia lifted her off and roughly placed her on her stomach before re-entering her. Fiona moaned and gasped as she was fucked in her favorite position.

The friction of the strap-on against her clitoris and the sight of Fiona's uplifted ass and arched back made Georgia thrust faster and faster as her orgasm approached. Before her, Fiona was onslaught with the pleasure she hadn't felt in far too long; she writhed and whined underneath her lover. She felt her legs begin to shake uncontrollably, and her back arched forward and back as her nervous system was hit with over-powering sensation.

Suddenly her legs ceased their shaking. Her thighs were frozen and still, muscles taut from lifting her pelvis up- her orgasm hit her with a loud, breathy "Ah". Shaking once again, her bottom collapsed to join the rest of her body in a trembling, and sweating mess. Her loud panting mixed with her lover's, who had reached her own orgasm when she had seen Fiona's bottom thrust wantonly in the air as she experienced completion.

Fiona vaguely thought how unrefined she must look, laying on her stomach with her legs spread, her mouth open, and dark tendrils sticking to her sweaty face. Though she couldn't bring herself to care too much- she was too exhausted and no one was there to see except Georgia who was probably about to be asleep as well. She fell asleep underneath Georgia's stroking hand wondering if Holly J would ever fuck her like that.


	9. Chapter 9

Despite her fantastic Friday night, Fiona was not feeling well at all. Saturday morning had been met with an irate Declan. Apparently he had woken up that morning to find his emotionally unpredictable and un-sociable sister missing.

This had been enough to send him into an hour long rant; and through the first twenty minutes Fiona had felt truly bad, her guilt soon turned to anger as Declan kept reminding her over and over how "crazy" she was. And though he never actually said it, it was implied in "you have to understand how much _we_ worry about _you_" and "what am I supposed to think after last year?".

It was enough to make her want to smack him, but she didn't. He did so much for her and despite the fact that she was beginning to believe he was only doing these nice things to stop her from slipping back into attention-seeking behavior, she couldn't afford to lose his care.

So instead she gave him half-truths. "I was with a girl." The look of blatant surprise on his face enraged her even more-but she kept it in check, smiling instead. "Not like that, just a friend."

"You should have called."

"You were on a date."

"Please. One call wouldn't have ruined my night."

"I'm sorry. I was having so much fun, I just didn't think."

"Really? You didn't think? That's so unlike you." His tone was sarcastic. She suddenly felt the desire to punch him again. In fact, the anger was starting to bubble in her chest to the point where the room felt stuffier-smaller, and she was getting a migraine to boot.

So much for a nice weekend.

And so she'd spent the weekend brooding in her room. Her cellphone off, and Declan mostly repelled by her trademark childish behavior which she adopted whenever she felt particularly upset at someone or something.

Declan would check in every _freaking_ thirty minutes to, she assumed, make sure she hadn't hurt herself. Which was ridiculous she thought, because that is the one thing she'd never done.

_Thought about it-but never did it._

Monday morning did not see her in a better mood. If anything she felt worse, however impossible she would have thought it. Walking through the hallway was difficult, she just wanted to stop and curl up somewhere secluded and dark- but mostly secluded.

At the most random times she'd felt like crying. But this was ridiculous and irrational- and she would not go there again.

But inevitably she cracked. The too-bright lighting of the classes and the constant buzzing of her peers were enough to make her feel like she'd spent the previous night throwing back shots of her parents' imported scotch.

She sought solace in the girls' restroom after her third class. She walked towards the sinks and mirrors. She looked at her perfect face, the one that made everyone believe she must also be perfect in every other way. How wrong they were. Fiona had given up on the dream of being perfect long ago, now she wished she could do just _one thing right._

She startled at the sound of the door handle being turned. Before she had time to blink Holly J appeared behind her mirrored image. Had this been Thursday she would have been ecstatic, but today she couldn't handle confrontation- or rejection.

Holly J was living up to her nickname as she sauntered toward Fiona, looking like a wild cat on the prowl. The sound of her heels hitting the floor echoed through the empty bathroom and hit Fiona like harsh flicks to the temple.

"You know, you're the one they call Ice-queen." She drawled, confidence in her voice like she had rehearsed this. She probably had. Fiona could feel the beginning of anxiety constricting her chest, the same feeling she got whenever she knew she was about to lose.

"What?"

"You said I was a cold, heartless bitch. They call you Ice queen, so you should talk. I'm not a cold bitch."

She took in the fire in the red-head's eyes, the smirk on her lips that spoke of her desire to forever be a winner. "No, I guess cold isn't right for you." She sighed heavily, she suddenly felt very aware of the weight she'd been carrying all day. "You're a monster."

"Yes, that's what you said…monster. Why did you say that? All I did was reject you, it could happen to anyone and anyone could do it."

"That's true. I said it in anger, but it is true. Look at the niners who cower before you; the way you walk and talk all over everyone like you're an empress. Do you feel Holly J? Do you feel anything besides superiority and irritation?"

"Do _you_?"

"I think I made that perfectly clear in the last couple of weeks."

"Okay you feel that way for me, but, other than that; what do you feel? Are you happy about your fantastic life, or do you just hate the alternative? You act like you're happy, but there's no apparent reason for you to be."

"How would you know if I have anything to be happy about?"

"I've seen you. Sitting along, you sometimes look so sad, and nothing different has happened, nothing changed to cause you to be that way. You just slip right in to a funk."

"What do want, Holly J? Is this my punishment for breaking you and Declan up? You're going to find me every day and jab at my heart? When will you stop? You want to see me cry, is that it? I've cried for you in secret, Holly J, I can't imagine it would too hard for you to make happen anytime you wish."

"It was extraordinarily selfish of you to do that. Talk about entitlement. Declan was different than the other guys in this school he-"

"I know; I'm his sister. I couldn't watch you be with him. He is always happy, it's easy for him. We've got the same good looks, money, and manners, but he's hetero and sane, and…normal! Can you imagine how easy it would be if I were straight too, I mean thank god I'm not, but still."

Though her eyes were still hard, the anger seemed to have deflated out of Holly J. Whether she was being sympathetic or curious Fiona couldn't tell. "What do mean it would be easier?"

"I could be honest with my parents for one! I could be part of a "power-couple" like they want me to be. And maybe I could find someone to be in a relationship with for once. But you don't know, do you? You told me that you never wanted a boyfriend, right?"

"Not for myself, no. I wanted to be in a relationship to impress my sister, and my friends." And it was like a switch. They'd found common ground at last. It may be chalked up to her emotional state and exhaustion, but Fiona just wanted to fall into Holly J's arms and be cuddled until she felt better. "Honestly I've only ever liked two boys before. His name was Toby, and I didn't get a chance to be with him because I wouldn't be seen with him. He was kind of a nerd. The other was Spinner, the guy from the dot- that lasted a good two weeks. Probably because he was already smitten with his girlfriend."

"And girls?" She smiled weakly at the other girl, and when she got a tentative smile in return she become quite certain she was either hallucinating or dreaming the whole thing.

"Well, you were right about that before. I never considered that as an option. Even if I found I was- you know-, how could I be that way with all my plans and my place in student counsel?"

"So you're saying a lesbian or bisexual can't be any of the things you want to be? Are you crazy? Why would anyone even need to know about it?"

"You know as well as I do that secrets are never kept in High school. I'm just saying, if people found out, maybe nothing would change, or maybe everything would change."

"Is any of worth your happiness though? You're always living for the future; what if you died tomorrow? Don't you want to live and be happy?"

"I'm considering it. That's why I'm here. I want so much to not be affected by you. When you told me how you felt, I wanted to be repulsed and sure that I would never want to be around you again. But, ever since you confessed, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I thought about you more than Declan, more than Student counsel, more than anything. I'm intrigued."

"So, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that- I don't care about boy or girl. I'm attracted to…certain personalities; people who are interesting, unique- not boring. And you are far from boring."

Fiona took a step toward Holly J, who bit her lip out of nervousness. Fiona lifted her arms till her hands each touched Holly J's waist. She walked closer and slid them forward until they met and clasped in the small of her back. Holly J lifted her own arms so that her hands gripped Fiona's elbows. The stood with their bodies close enough to feel the heat of each other. Holly J supposed Fiona meant to kiss her. However, Fiona's smile faltered until her lower lip quivered. She thrust her arms back toward her so that Holly J's body was smashed tightly in her grasp. Holly J moved to rest her hands upon Fiona's shoulder and back a bit fearful at the sudden change. The girl shuddered in her arms and a gasping sob told her that she was weeping. She looked at her face in the mirror and was surprised to see herself- and to find she had actually admitted to having feeling for a girl and that said girl was now having a breakdown in her arms.

Holly J knew she should have asked what was wrong. It was expected and conventional, right? But she didn't have to ask to know why Fiona had crumpled do easily and so suddenly. She had seen this behind Fiona's eyes in all the time they had known one another. She was calculating and perceptive, she didn't miss it like everyone else seemed to. But the dull ache in her chest spoke of a sympathy she'd had never felt before now. Now she wanted nothing more than to be the one to make everything okay.

.


	10. Chapter 10

Sheer royal purple curtains fluttered in the breeze from the open window, Fiona could smell the city- the scent of cars and asphalt; she wished she could smell of ash and sea in their Greek getaway, the musky floral scent of Italy, or the smell of baked goods and fancy cigarettes in their home in France. In those places there had always been adventure; there had always been more than going to school where out of hundreds of people no one understood her. In Paris, no one gawked at her for wearing designer trends or for having flawless make-up and hair. In Rome, no one thought she was overdramatic or too theatrical; they were all like that- passionate.

She would want to think of herself as passionate rather than overdramatic, or overbearing; and why does the world insist on calling it crazy anyway? Because she wants to fill life with something other than being in a relationship with someone she could only dislike, and playing a role she is not cut out for she is unhealthy?

The breeze brought in the stuffiness of summer but she was too tired or too uncaring to get up and close the window. She remembered a least a bit of what happened before she woke up in her room.

She was unsure about whether Holly J was even there or if she had ever been with her to begin with. She vaguely remembered the conversation in the washroom but as far as she knew that was two days or a week ago; there was a large possibility it had been a dream. After all, she was lying in bed and had no recollection of leaving school or getting home. Maybe she had imagined the whole thing and now she was lying in bed trying to remember a forgotten dream.

Therefore, she was shocked when Holly J walked in with a glass of water, a pill bottle, and poorly hidden expression of extreme stress.

"I brought you some aspirin; you've been acting like your head hurts", she emphasized her point by talking low and softly.

Ignoring the proffered pill and glass, Fiona asked, "How did we get here?"

"You don't remember? I guess I'm not surprised you were kind of out of it. I called us a taxi."

"_The_ Holly J left school early all for me? I must be special. Or else I did something crazy again…."

"Not really, at least not in front of anyone. We were in the bathroom and you starting crying…I couldn't just leave you in the bathroom or something could I?"

Fiona rolled her eyes in her usual drama-queen manner. "Ugh. That is so embarrassing. I guess I should have gotten more sleep or something." She shrugged as if to say that was the end of that. Avoiding Holly J's eyes, she reached out for the aspirin.

Holly J looked skeptical; she wanted to say more obviously, but had no idea how to go about without upsetting Fiona. At last, she seemed to settle on honesty, "I don't think so Fiona. It seems that you've been sort of…unstable lately."

Fiona, who was chugging the water as daintily as possible, ceased drinking; she lowered the glass slowly while eyeing Holly J. She looked livid. "Unstable". She echoed, laughing. "I've heard that one before. That's just a cowardly way of saying crazy; I can't count how many times my brother or my parents have thrown that in my face! It's just easy that way, isn't it? Because when you say unstable, it makes it sound like you care! But no one does, no one cares how I'm really feeling, or _why_! They only care about how _inconvenient _is for them; then I _quiet down _and it's all better- regardless of the fact I'm still hurting!"

Holly J, clearly taken aback by her abrupt change in demeanor, opened and closed her mouth, speechless. "I don't know what to say. How long have you felt like this?"

Fiona averted her eyes to the comforter; her anger was gone already and instead she looked exhausted and sad. She stared down at the bed for a few seconds before answering the question. "When Declan and I were in fifth grade, he was already starting to overachieve. He was bringing home perfect grades and perfect friends who looked to him as their leader; he was dad's shining star. And as for me- well it didn't matter that school was harder for me because I had my trust found. The fact I couldn't seem to keep a single friend didn't matter because I was _such a pretty girl _and one day I would have a rich husband because of it. The other girls would always hate me for it, but I would be happy because of attention from men. What a joke", she finished bitterly.

Holly J, appalled, asked, "Who told you that, your mother?"

"No, I heard it all when my parents were talking to their friends and our extended family- it was like a running joke to them. That I would be hated by other women.

Holly J nodded as Fiona started to make more sense. "And then you grew up and realized you're gay. That is pretty messed up."

"You forgot the part about Declan; who he was always perfect. No matter where we went he made friends."

"You mean he charmed girls. Fiona, that's not making friends."

"But, why is it _so_ hard for anyone to like me? Why does everyone like Declan right away, but with me it's like everyone just knows who I am and thinks it's a joke?"

"That's just it, Fiona. They don't know you. You're not like anyone else; people can't understand or define you so they chose to only see the shallow, emotional, outer Fiona. If anyone bothered to really get to know you, they would see that you're really special. I know from personal experience."

"Yea and you also said I'm unstable."

"Look, if you are unstable, then that's not your fault- it's the fault of your parents for moving you around the world like they did and for not listening to you. Don't blame yourself for other people's mistakes."

"What should I do?"

"Just, be you. Don't rely so much on Declan; you can make friends of your own, you just have to open up a little. Besides, you have me now." She wrapped her arm around Fiona's shoulder and squeezed. "I also really think you should talk to your mom about this."

"Maybe, I just want to sleep now though. You can go ahead home, thank-you so much."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I should wait until Declan gets home at least"

"Won't that be awkward? Really, I'll be fine; I'm just going to sleep I promise. Besides since we left early the first thing he's going to do is check on me."

"Okay, if you're sure. I do have an essay to right tonight. Call me later to check in, okay?"

It took effort for Fiona to refrain from snickering at this caring ad passive version of Holly J, so she just smiled and said, "of course".

Holly J leaned in for a hug, she hesitated slightly as if wondering if she should try kissing Fiona, but she ended up only pressing her face against her neck. For some reason Fiona was relieved.

"Bye." She watched Holly J walk out of her room; she waited until she was sure the other girl was gone before grabbing her phone. She dialed the number for her usual taxi service.


	11. Chapter 11

The door opened to reveal a very disheveled and tired-looking Georgia. Despite her appearance, smiled when she saw it was Fiona; however, the smile fell when she noticed the sullen look on her face and immediately held her arms out. Her new friend threw herself into the embrace. Georgia walked them backwards so she could close the door. She gave Fiona a few minutes to calm her sniffling before holding her out at arm's length.

"What happened?" she demanded.

Fiona scoffed once before answering, "I don't even know where to begin. I guess I kind of have good news and…weird news."

Georgia could only look confused at this, "well, then let me make us some tea. You go on into the living room and then I let you tell me all about, okay?"

Fiona gripped her own arm and nodded, her eyes on the floor. "Okay. Thank-you."

Fiona placed herself sideways on the couch with her knees brought; she had to wait a minutes for her friend to return, and she spent the time criticizing the interior design while she knocked her knees together like a scolded child.

When Georgia plopped herself on the end of the couch, she spoke but kept her eyes on the far wall, "I wish I knew what is wrong with me. Why can't I just be normal for once?"

Georgia scoffed. "What is normal anyway? A bunch of heteronormative people conforming to some vision of what people should be despite the blatant repercussions this stifled existence has on society." Her skyward rant was emphasized with hand gestures.

Fiona looked at her through narrowed eyes; her mouth was had opened just a little bit. "What…? This is about me remember?"

"I know. I know. What I'm saying is you shouldn't feel bad about not being like everyone else, they call themselves normal but they suffer for it. So you're a little more sensitive than most people—so what? I guarantee you that you'll get more out of life than those other people." She nodded primly before taking an elegant sip of her tea. Fiona wondered if she was starting to hallucinate now, of all things.

"Okay, so being sensitive may not necessarily be a bad thing, but you don't know what I've done this time."

"So tell me."

"Well it involves Holly J…" Fiona's eyes were back on the wall.

"That girl you have the hots for?" Fiona could _hear _the smirk in her voice.

The only sign she gave that she was not amused as a single quirked eyebrow. "I wouldn't put it like that, but yes the one I told you about. We were talking in the bathroom—I'm not sure what about. You see, I just sort of broke down or something, everything is rather hazy. Maybe I just don't want to remember breaking down and crying like that- it's humiliating."

"You don't have any idea why it happened?"

"Not really. I've done it before, you see. When I was thirteen I did something like this after they sent Declan to an all-boys school and me too an all-girls school. It was so bad they transferred us to the same school."

"What did your parents think?"

Fiona scoffed. "Why do think they treat me like a mental patient? And now Holly J also thinks I'm crazy."

Her face was a complete look of misery so Georgia scooted over and put an arm around her.

"I'm sure she doesn't. From what you told me, she really intelligent, surely she sees that there is more here than you being 'crazy'."

"She took me home, you know? She left school early and everything for me. She was going to stay with me today but I was so afraid of messing things up right when they were going well." Here she smiled once again." Suddenly, her demeanor changed—her eyes were brighter and she smiled a soft _real _smile. "She admitted she like me and wants to give me a chance."

"That's fantastic! You see, things are going to get better for you." She grabbed Fiona's arm in a reassuring gesture, but Fiona was still unconvinced.

Honestly, she thought, Georgia just didn't understand; she was speaking like her problems were temporary, but Fiona felt as though after all this time they must be permanent. She had been struggling through an ocean of despair for as long as her disjointed memory could recall and lately she had been feeling terrified that she might not have the strength to keep her head up anymore.

Then this person came along, a stranger on whom she could dump all the rotten feelings and worries without having to worry about them being repeated to her brother or parents. The ease of getting sympathy from an admiring stranger had initially given her hope, but maybe Georgia is just too inspirational and upbeat to offer substantial help.

Nonetheless, she was glad to have companionship aside from the bittersweet company that Declan provided; and anyway, Georgia never pried beyond what she Fiona was willing to give unlike her family and the nosy gossip-girls she had once tried to befriend. The warm arm around her gave her a comfort she had never imagined she would; she never realized how heavy her heart was until the weight was lifted by a comforting presence.

A/N: I bet you thought this was abandoned didn't you? Not the case girls and boys (if there so be boys reading this) this is still only the beginning, so if it feels sort of set-upy that's why.

Not only did I re-write this chapter five sad times but I was distracted trying tocatch _all _of the Pokemon, Yes, really.

Thank-you so much for the reviews—a few of you made me smile in that way that makes your cheeks hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

Fiona hesitated a while outside the door of the student council office; inside, Holly J was holding some sort of bright yellow flier and a pink sheet of paper; she looked back and forth between them studying carefully.

Fiona thought of several different things to say to announce her presence but her words stuck in her throat. Suddenly Holly J looked over to the door and when her eyes landed on Fiona, she let out a defeated sigh before placing the papers on the desk.

Fiona took a step into the office. "Hey."

"Yea, hi," She replied in a cautious voice. Fiona hated the way Holly J looked so disturbed. She only hoped the other girl was frightened _for _her, and not of her.

But to hell with it anyway-she was here on a mission. "I wanted to apologize about Friday. I didn't really sleep at all and then I had to get to school early, you know I was just exhausted and stressed out. When I don't sleep enough my emotions always get the better of me, and I don't want you to worry about me."

Holly J kept looking at her with that same vaguely frightened look. Finally she smiled halfway and shook her head as if she believed. Fiona knew better however; Holly J knew how to convey what she was really thinking while acting as if she was trying to hide her true feelings. _Fucking brilliant girl._

"Did you talk to your mom yet?"

_Super—straight to the point. _"Don't you love this jacket; I designed and made it myself." She really hoped the obvious attempt to evade the question would give Holly J the hint to let it go.

And, as if she needed more reason to love this girl, Holly J let it slide. "Impressive. It's really beautiful."

Fiona smirked and stepped closer until she was in the girl's personal bubble. "You're also really beautiful."

She thrust her head forward to connect their lips. Holly J stiffened predictably, yet Fiona was prepared and grabbed the back of her head. Not hard enough to force her to stay, but strong enough to convey, _'give it a chance, please'_.

She was just starting to lose herself in the kiss when they were startled apart by a third voice.

"Holly J?" And of course said girl pulled away as if she had just been touched by fire.

"Chantay? What are you doing here?"

Fiona turned around as well, her eyes narrowed when she saw the notorious gossip. _Shit. It had to be fucking her didn't it?_

"We're supposed to discuss the power squad presentation scheduled for lunch tomorrow?"

Holly J looked uncharacteristically at a loss for words for just a second before masterfully collecting herself. "Uh…right. Yes, I'm sorry I forgot. Fiona, why don't you head to class and I'll see you at lunch."

"Alright." She gave Holly J a peck on the lips. She noticed with annoyance Chantay's purposefully obvious reaction.

As she walked to the door, Chantay grabbed her arm to stop her. She curled her lip at the idea of some peppy gossip girl like Chantay touching her. She allowed herself to shift her arm away and grimace, uncaring if it offended.

"Hold on, I am not just going to let you go without an explanation. Don't tell me that not even the perfect Holly J was able to resist the allure of the exotic Fiona Coyne."

Both Fiona and Holly J vaguely found it so ironic that Fiona rolled her eyes at Chantay's whimsical histrionics when she herself was infamous for it.

"It's not your business. I know you think it's your right to dig up and spread the details of other peoples' life, but has it ever occurred to you that you're the only one who is this obsessed with gossip. Maybe if you had a life of your own-"

"Fiona!" Holly J yelled her eyes wide in warning. She turned her attention to Chantay and did her quirky head shake thing, which, even when at her expense, Fiona thought was unfairly adorable. "I'm sorry Chantay; Fiona didn't mean to be so rude, right Fiona?"

Fiona barely held back a snotty retort. As if she needed Holly J to look at her like _that_ to get the point. "Right, sorry".

Chantay waved her hand dismissively, "whatever. So what's going on?"

"I'll tell you Chantay but you have to promise to keep it to yourself. I know you love gossip, but you can't talk about this. Seeing the lack of sympathy on Chantay's face she horridly thought of a half-truth that would win her over, "It's not about embarrassment; remember all the sexist pig jerks at this school, they'd torture us if they found out". Fiona thought the look of sheer desperation on Holly J's face would fool no one, but then again she had no right to judge.

Nonetheless, Chantay made a disgusted face. "Ugh, you're probably right. All right—I see your point. But you _have _to fill me in."

Fiona wanted nothing more than to bang her head against the wall next to her. She caught Holly J's eye and rolled her eyes, making sure to come across as highly annoyed rather than playful.

Holly J's schooled expression didn't shift but Fiona noticed the brightness of her eyes and the more defined than usual lines around her eyes that spoke of her irritation. "Go ahead and go to class. I'll take care of this okay."

Put out at the thought that she was now missing out on time with her girlfriend, Fiona didn't bother to fake cheeriness. "Alright." She really hated that interested, smug look Chantay always- _always _got on her face. Wasn't inquisitiveness supposed to make people look _more _intelligent?

_And who the hell does she think she is? Doesn't she understand how badly she could ruin someone's life by spreading their secrets? What an idiot. I should write an opinion piece about how stupid Chantay is, and ask people to write in about how she has hurt them. Maybe then she would fucking get it._

She stopped her enraged inner voice when she arrived at her next class. The door was closed, and there were only two or three other students in there this early. She flung the door open and stomped in the room. She shot the teacher annoyed look when she cheerily said, "good morning, Ms. Coyne", and sat at a desk in the back. The teacher raised an eyebrow at Fiona as if to ask how she dare disrespect her so she but did not reprimand her.

The room was nearly full and class was close to starting before Holly J finally walked into the room, a sly and satisfied looking Chantay following behind her. Holly J smiled conspiratorially (and thereby sexily) at Fiona before taking the seat in front of her, this was almost enough to make her forget her annoyance. Almost.

"Well?"

She turned around and smiled that cute 'I'm totally confident and in control but I'm going to act unsure for your benefit' way-god how she loved this girl. "I took care of it."

"What did you say?"

"Don't worry about. Chantay and I are good friends she wouldn't say anything if I asked her not to."

When she turned back around Fiona rolled her eyes and muttered, "Yea, right"

Holly J turned around; her eyebrows were raised in exasperation. "What?"

Fiona deflated, knowing her confidence would forever be outshone by Holly J's inborn authoritativeness. "Nothing".

Holly J sighed, "Just don't _worry_ about it, okay?"

"Mhmmm."

"You're ridiculous sometimes."

_Only sometimes—that's a new one_

When lunchtime rolled around Fiona once again found Holly J in the student government office, she was thankfully alone.

"Hey." Fiona greeted uneasily.

"Hey." Holly J repeated happily.

Fiona, having felt frustrated all day, walked up and with pseudo-confidence kissed Holly J on the mouth. Holly J flinched back only a bit, not enough to disconnect their lips, before she kissed back.

When Fiona pulled back Holly J looked very awkward and cute.

"Still not comfortable with it are you?" Fiona asked. Inside she was a bit disappointed—or maybe she was scared—but she looked at Holly J with a playful smile.

She smiled and this time it was shy for real. "No, I guess not. But I 'll get there."

"I've been thinking about this thing with Chantay…'

"Not this _again! _Seriously, she is not going to put us on her blog! She's human too you know. I explained to her how bad it could be for us and she understood, okay?"

She could feel her head clouding as her heart starting beating more quickly. Why was Holly J so confident about this? Chantay is notorious for being a ruthless gossip and when was the last time Chantay had ever shown any sort of human compassion for anyone—not ever in front of Fiona that's for sure.

Oh, she wanted so much to just scream and run to somewhere she could be alone…but there was no use further ruining her image in front Holly J.

"Okay. If you're sure then I trust you're judgment."

"Smart girl", teased Holly J.

Fiona laughed sarcastically and placed a swift kiss on her girlfriend's cheek.

"So um, what did you tell her about us?" When Holly J looked annoyed she hastily continued, "Cause, um…I'm not entirely sure myself what's going on here."

"Oh. Well, I just said that you had asked me out and that I really like you. I sort of told her that I'm not really strict about which gender I go out with. I said this was like an experiment for me" At Fiona's unconscious horrified expression she hastily explained-"but I just said that for her benefit. I really do like you, Fiona."

With that, she placed her hand on the far side of Fiona's face and planted a kiss-_near her mouth _Fiona noticed. But it was glorious nonetheless, and Fiona's heart melted a bit. Vaguely she felt the beginning of tears on her eyes but ignored it until the feeling disappeared and she sat eating her lunch with her girlfriend bustling from one task to another. Watching her girlfriend work and making a comment on how she really should at least take a break to eat something made her feel so normal that she spent the rest of her day feeling very light and happy.

This has been written for months and I've been too lazy to proofread it…so, now you get two.


	13. Chapter 13

Fiona lay in bed three hours after school would have begun. If her mother were here to see her skipping in such an incriminating fashion, she would probably declare that she would not be leaving on any more extended trips with their father ever again, or some such drastic nonsense.

Her brother had already called and though he did his best to chastise her and made sure to inform her of how worried he was, he was not her authoritative guardian and therefore could not force her to get out of bed and get to school. Thankfully, the united front they had always held against their parents would ensure he also did not blab.

Despite this, Fiona felt uncomfortable as if somehow, miles away, her mother was having a psychic feeling that her daughter was not functioning, as a mentally healthy person should be. Fiona would be unsurprised if the phone rang with her mother's number showing up right that very minute.

But the phone never rang and she sighed, suddenly feeling miserably alone and regretful that she had not gotten up for school that day.

She supposed she could just go late. Then what really was there for her at that place? Her perfect girlfriend with her condescending remarks and the stupid gossip everyone had to worship and walk on egg-shells around like a god else she bare their worst moments for all to see. Fiona had decided long ago that people were all generic and pathetic—she hadn't been proven wrong yet.

Except of course for her girlfriend who was painfully the opposite; frustrating in the way that her intelligence and demeanor were so thoroughly under her control. She said nothing less than witty or clever, never showed a reaction that was not perfectly calculated.

As much as she awed and attracted Fiona, she couldn't help but feel a bit of resentment about it. Her own awkwardness and inability to gain control over nay situation had plagued her from early on. Feelings such as embarrassment and frustration could be detected easily on her face when she felt them. In even the most slightly strenuous situations she fumbled for the right thing to say and most times fear rendered her speechless.

Despite any of this, she retained her strong admiration for Holly J. If the girl were her girlfriend, she needn't worry about those things anymore. Holly J would be her strength for her; she would be the only person she needed for conversation and quality time-aside from her brother of course.

Her phone buzzed from an incoming text. She checked her phone and smiled as it was coincidentally Holly J, who was at the moment her dominating thought.

'_where are you today? Sick or just sleeping in?'_

She thought about what excuse she could make, or if she needed one at all. Well, Holly J had seen her at her worst.

'_not feeling up for school today. Miss you though'_

To her delight, the reply message was understanding rather than pushy, as her brothers would surely have been.

'_sorry. I miss you too. I'll come over later to see you then?'_

Fiona felt elated. Her girlfriend had asked _her _if she could come over.

'_that would be just the thing to make me feel so much better. See you then'_

Getting attention from her girlfriend that he did not have to instigate herself eased the heavy feeling of suppressive loneliness she had woken up to, though there was still a somewhat unsettled buzzing feeling some place inside her that she could not name or understand. Nonetheless, she had long before gotten used to the seemingly permanent feeling of unease that caused her endless anxiety and disquiet. To her it felt like she had suffered an immeasurable loss at one point, like the death of a parent or a family home being burned down.

Of course, in all her privileged life she had never suffered such a devastating single blow. Deep inside her mind, she knew that the feeling was caused by a lifetime of never having a sturdy home or a single friend who sought her attention for more than a week or two before growing wary of her anxiousness and cold demeanor. Plus, she guiltily acknowledged, her parents had rarely praised her, as their attention was more often than not focused on fussing over her unwittingly patronizing her.

Before she could stop herself, she acknowledged that Holly J's message might have been the one time in her life where someone (besides her paranoid family members) asked after her or sought her out for no other reason than they had noticed her absence.

Inevitably, the heaviness returned and her eyes suddenly felt enlarged and sore. Her face contorted unattractively against her will and she grimaced further to stop the tears falling. One single hot drop escaped and stuck in the corner of her eye before the wave of grief passed and she banished any thoughts of the past from her mind.

She decided shopping was the only way to keep her mind off herself. Perhaps she could find something to wear tonight when Holly J came over. She figured she could look at some lingerie while she was at it, though it may be a bit too early in the relationship it would be a good thing to have put away in case.

On a whim she grabbed her phone to ask Georgia if she would care to accompany her to pick out some sexy girl-seducing attire. A single bitter thought of how Georgia hadn't contacted _her _since Fiona left her house crossed her mind before she made herself concentrate on today's outfit as she messaged Georgia.

She stepped into her room still damp from the shower and wearing only a towel loosely wrapped around her. After closing her bedroom door and taking a glance at the closed windows she let he towel drop and sighed at the feeling of her well-proportioned and smoothed-skinned body completely free and bare. The sight and feeling of her own undeniable beauty made her feel an incredible heat between her legs and she unapologetically thought how much of a shame it was that no one was here to appreciate the sight of her.

The aching between her legs had her hoping her girlfriend wouldn't be as stingy with intimacy as she was with Declan.

Still naked, she checked her phone and the simple reply from Georgia, '_I'm in'_, caused her to vaguely regret her earlier bitter musings as the wonderful thought of having someone to walk with and speak to placed a rare true smile on her face.

She dared to think that today would be a good day-shopping with a good friend who actually understood her then and evening with her engaging girlfriend. Her life may yet be turning around.

A/n

I don't really know where this came from, but I really like it. Fiona has had a privileged life, and her parents have always been there for her but they didn't realize that maybe their worrying may have felt a bit like disappointment to their daughter. It's often hard for those of us who's parents tried but were inadvertently messing us up to feel as unhappy as we do without adding on the guilt of feeling "unappreciative" or that our unhappiness is unfounded.

When did I turn into such a total bummer?


End file.
